Smoke Free

I know it's hard to believe but I have been smoke free for a little over two months. This is quite the accomplishment for me. I was a closet smoker for 12 years. It started when I was 19. I only smoked when I drank, but soon enough I was drinking all the time (ahhh, the good college years). Then I started smoking when I drank coffee, when I drove, when I had a bad day, when I was bored, etc. I did quit for about 6 months while I was still in college, but then I started suffering from a broken heart and found comfort in my friend nicotine (I always rationalized that it was better than the other stuff out there). Anyway, I kept trying to cut back, but the triggers were too strong (those mentioned above).

I don't know what actually motivated me to quit. Part financial, part the aroma, part the stigmatism, part I just don't really want to anymore. Don't get me wrong, I occassionally get the urge. I've been under oodles of stress with work and school and the men in my life. There are still times when I really want one. For instance I went to PF Chang's the other night to visit a friend at work. As I was sitting there I saw many things. The hooker with a g-string showing off her butt cleavage, people enjoying a full meal with their cell phones attached to their ears, and that bitch at the bar smoking a cigarette. I was alone, with nothing to do with my hands, unable to have a cocktail due to some antibiotics that I was taking (I think I've been constantly sick since I quit smoking). Anyway, I saw her there, the one with the cigarette. She was laughing and looked happy about slowing killing herself, I was jealous, I wanted to be smoking and laughing. I hated her. I rationalized slowing getting up from my seat, walking over and taking the pack of cigarettes sitting by her glass of wine. I could easily take her, she was just a little thing. One swift kick and she would be down. But, reality took over and I was happy with my smoke free life.

Now, I'm not going to preach to smokers. I'm not going to be that ex-smoker that tells everyone they meet how crappy smoking is for you. But, I will hopefully be that person that doesn't take it up again. Well, maybe when I am a crochity old widow, I'll do it to piss other people off, but until then, I am ok with the idea.

Another Year Older and Deeper in Debt

Caution: the above link is PORN. That's right PORN. Not CORN or even KORN, but PORN. I've decided to google my topics and so today I googled "What does 31 look like?" What I got was PORN, surprise, surprise.

Why would I google such a thing? Well, as of this last Tuesday I am 31. I know, I don't look 31, I definately don't act 31 and most of all I don't feel 31 (as if there is a feeling to such an age). I think you can feel 21 definately, that was a sick feeling. It felt like a spinning bed, spinning so much you poke one leg out from underneath the covers and rest it on the ground to prevent motion. It feels bile rising in your throat warning you to get your ass to a toilet/sink/garbagecan (preferably plastic) as soon as possible. As with anything significant ages that are considered milestones do have a feeling. Twenty-Five, that was a yucky feeling. Almost like 21 but less alcohol and less friends. Thirty, that was a sucky feeling as well. All alone on the one day of the year you need someone the most. Oh well. Thirty One, that didn't have a feeling, it was like any other day. Of course, there were people giving me presents and wishing me a happy day, but nothing like 21 and thank GOD, nothing like 25 or 30. I worked, at lunch at Chipotle (my favoritest of all fast food restaurants), went to class after some serious studying. To top the night off I went to Chili's and had a burger, which unfortunately was the worst mushroom and swiss I've ever had from there. I won't be returning anytime soon.

How have things been going otherwise. So much to tell so little time. My dearest mother (AKA Mommy Dearest) has bought for me a computer. Isn't she the coolest mom ever. In return for this purchase I have promised to blog more frequently. So, here is to another year.

I'm a full-time grad student, working full-time and attempting a social life, so if the updates are not as frequent as you like, email me and offer to be a guest. My email is o_cripes@hotmail.com.